There are so many reasons why I avoid talking about the reproductive habits of cats. Mainly because I know my mother would be less than proud if she knew that ‘cat barbed penis’ is one of the most commonly Googled phrases in my phone, the second reason is because it really destroyed the film Puss In Boots for me. Now I know I’m one of the hardest people to please when it comes to films aimed at children- what with being dead inside – but this movie really did nothing for me.
A spinoff to the impeccably amazing Shrek, Puss In Boots is the origin story of Shrek’s sassy, sword-fighting companion, Puss (or ‘Puss in Boots’ as he likes to be known). While escaping countless bounty hunters, Puss (Antionio Banderas) learns the infamous outlaw couple Jack and Jill (Billy Bob Thorton and Amy Sedaris) are in possession of magic beans, he attempts to steal them. His attempt is thwarted, however, by a mysterious masked cat – Kitty Softpaws (Salma Hayek) who is working for Humpty Dumpty (Zach Galifianakis). The three must work together to steal the beans from Jack and Jill in order to climb a beanstalk and steal the golden goose from the giant.
Now, I know what you’re thinking – and you’re right. What a shit premise. One of the strengths of Shrek is the seamless integration of well-known storybook characters. Unfortunately for Puss in Boots they just seemed to randomly flick through a few nursery rhymes and mash any characters they could find together. And yes, the story is complete drivel. There are one or two moments where they actually make a good joke or two, but on the whole they’re just trying to get up a beanstalk.
The other thing that really bothered me about the film was just how much sex is intertwined within the story. Maybe I was having a prudish day, but I was actually uncomfortable with just how often Puss in Boots refers to being a ‘furry lover’ or the worlds best lover or ‘hung like a Cheshire cat’ (okay I made that one up). The film even opens with an obviously post-coitus catus.
The voice talents were great. I’m an enormous fan of Amy Sedaris, so of course I think her quirky sense of humor was completely underutilized, but Banderas, Hayak and Galifianakis do a fine job throughout with the material they were given. But the problem with this film really is a pretty boring storyline. It’s convoluted and messy but overall- it’s just really predictable.
There are a few laugh-out-loud moments in Puss in Boots, but overall this film left me feeling like I had just seen a tragic story about a cat with a sex addiction. I’m sorry to say I’m giving this furry lover two paws down.